Money, money, motherfucking money!

2004-02-03 8:23 p.m. - previous / next

...And the financial aid department said "Let there be money in Owen's bank account!" Hallelueah, my brothers and sisters, being poor has finally paid off. Just when I thought being poor was all top ramen and moldy bread, the silver lining of the cloud that is pennilessness has shown itself.

I went into the financial aid office the other day to check on the status of my federal grant application. I figured they would find some innovative way of turning me down.

I fully expected "Sorry sir, you are too white for financial aid, you gotta have some money some where. Go ask your daddy." Or maybe "You HAVE been convicted of a drug related felony, You lying junkie sack of shit." Instead they said "They will be dropping 1200 bones in your empty ass bank account on Thursday." I almost could not resist giggling like a Catholic schoolgirl who just saw her first big Catholic schoolboy dong after the prom. I held onto the said girlish laughter until I left the office. When I got outside I started jumping up and down screaming, throwing off articles of clothing in celebration of my temporary freedom from destitution. Fuckin-a, I haven't felt that good in a while.

My truck will soon be re-clutched, my feet re-socked and a Friday night or two un-losered. Whoo-the-fuck-hoo Charlie. My tax return will be floating in soon too, offering further relief to my recent suffering. If I could fuck money, I would lube a pile of it up and spray my babies all over Benjaman's fat ass face. Ok, I have to go do my homework, because if I don't keep passing my classes, those fuckers stop giving me money. Don't want that now, do we.

Anyone who says money does not matter to them is either filthy fucking rich or a stinky goddamn hippie.

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