Teleporn in god

Holy shit! I knew it would happen one day, and what a glorious day it is my perverted friends! Porno is finally on our cellphones so we never, ever have to be without it. Just check out this article from today's San Francisco Examiner, it is all TRUE!!:

Isn't that fucking great? I mean, now you can stroke the old cock ANYWHERE!! In your cubicle, in the bathroom at McDonalds, in your car, elevators, broom closets, at your grandma's house; pretty much all of the places where you have always sprayed your sperm solo-style, but now you can do it with STREAMING MOBILE FUCK-SMUT!!
Just imagine watching some ass fucking while in a meeting or at a power lunch. Everyone will think you are checking stock prices or checking your fucking e-mail, but you will actually be enjoying some high quality "chicks with dicks" or whatever horse fucking shit it is that gets you off. Instead of just getting some boring lecture from a "consultant" that is just trying to figure out a crafty way to "fire your ass," you will be pitching a nice kahki tent and possibly massaging your genitals under the table.
Or while some assclown professor of yours is laying down a bullshit lecture about something that will never be on the midterm, you can put your head down and pretend you are sleeping while your phone pumps out porn on your desktop. Shit, feel free to put a jacket over your lap and give yourself a good stroking. You deserve it! School sucks too much to not touch yourself while it is going on.
Fuck, there is a god! Or at least some really, really smart pervo dorks at your local wireless company. As soon as you see an offer for wireless smut thrown in with your phone bill, BUY IT!!! If I need to give you one more reason to buy this wonerrful product, well, you don't deserve it anyway, mamasboy. Yea, go tell your mom to stroke your wiener because you don't love your porno.