Moving on, Moving out

2004-06-24 9:10 p.m. - previous / next

My three-year adventure at De Anza College has finally come to an end. I took my last final today, and I will grace the campus with my presence one more time this Saturday to walk the stage for my graduation.

I still remember the sweaty palms and doubts racing through my mind on my first day at De Anza. In the fall of 2002, I had not stepped foot on the campus of an educational facility in over seven years. If you include the fact that I was not in attendance for much of my high school "career," it had been much longer since a teacher had attempted to fill my mind with useful and not so useful knowledge.

I was not sure I would make it through the first day, let alone the first quarter, or the first year. I was apprehensive; I was scared and I was happy to finally be doing something with myself.

When I moved back to San Jose after my post-high school adventures in Reno, I had a broken arm, and a broken spirit. I had failed in the "real world" and had to come back to live with Dad. One day I came to the realization that I was going nowhere, and I was sure to end up dead, bleeding and drunk in the gutter behind a dirty Reno bar. It was time to make a change. I knew that I was better than a smelly, dead gutter drunk. Too smart to spend the rest of my short life changing oil and drinking my life away.

Three and some years later, my education is almost halfway complete. I am receiving my A.A., and graduating with honors. Me, graduating with honors. Who would have thought this was possible 4 years ago? Nobody. I can barely believe it myself.

As a teenager, I did not think I would live to see 26, nor did I have the desire to do so. I was miserable and the world was a horrible, dark place. Now, things are different.

In a little less than two weeks I will be moving into my new place in San Francisco, cutting the cord once again. Dad has no money, and he is selling my childhood home in San Jose, as he is off to Reno to start a new job. I am officially on my own, and I am going to make it this time. Things are changing, and they are changing quite quickly at the moment. It is horrifying and terribly exciting. This is the next step in the rest of my life; a new opportunity to grow, expand my mind and maybe even grow up a little bit. Just a little.

This year has been particularly difficult for me, and I have made a few disastrous missteps that have threatened to derail my progress, but I will press ahead.

I am looking out the window of my life and I finally see a future that is not buried six feet under all of the bad shit that has happened to me. My life is changing, my future is semi-promising and I am actually looking forward to whatever happens next.

Cheers to the good friends I have met at De Anza, you made the last three years bearable. Thanks to all of the professors who actually care. Most of all, I thank everyone who believed in me. Here is to the rest of our lives, whatever may come of them.

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