Bad weekend, BAD!

2004-05-21 8:06 p.m. - previous / next

This weekend was the worst suckfest I have encountered for years. Imagine your dog dying, losing an appendage and your house burning down all in the same weekend, and that is something similar to what happened to me.

Ok, so my weekend was not quite that bad, but it seriously sucked dirty donkey ass.

The suckiness began last Friday at work. First off, I was at work on Friday, which means I was totally baked, but otherwise miserable. Then, as I was toiling away in the pit, working valiantly to force a new oil filter into a tight crevasse in a Ford Ranger, the filter moved suddenly into its home and my hand struck an extremely sharp heat shield. I grabbed my hand, knowing what I was about to see would require medical attention. I went upstairs to wash the petroleum out of the wound, and lo and behold, it was fucking bone deep. Ewww. When you look in a cut and you see white shit before the blood starts rushing out, you know it is stitchie time.

So, I went to the clinic and got 4 stitches in my left knuckle. It was almost painless, and I got out of work an hour early. It was pretty sore after the Novocain wore off, but I still worked one less hour in that smelly oil-hell.

Apparently I did not feel that a deep wound was enough torture for the weekend. So on Sunday night, I jumped in my Explorer and crashed it into a parked car. Whoa, Nelly was that fucking fun or what? It was so fun that I took off after blasting a hole the size of Nell Carter in the side of a parked Buick. The cops eventually caught up to me and took me to jail for reasons I cannot discuss until after I go to court.

Now, my truck is in the shop, my license is facing suspension, I am driving a shitty rental car, and I need a lawyer I cannot afford. Fuckola.

If anyone has any large, red hot, sharp or splintery objects they would like to shove in my ass, come on down and get in line. I doubt I would feel it anyway.

By the way, that is not really a picture of my truck. Mine is not nearly as bad off. If you want to see pictures of mine, just contact the San Jose Police department, I am sure they have plenty.

Sometimes I really wish I would not have passed up that opportunity to get a lobotomy. Things would be so much easier if I was incapacitated to the point where I could not do any harm to my drooling, retarded self. Fuck I hate me sometimes.

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