Call me Alice

2003-02-01 10:16 a.m. - previous / next

This friday night was entirely unlike the usual friday night. I spent it cleaning my house. I really do not know what the hell got into me, but Allie and I got up around one 'o clock after a the usual thursday night of liver destruction, sporting some ripe breath and massive headaches just as you would expect. While I was making breakfast it came to me that I really needed to clean my bathroom. Well, actually I think it came to me when I saw a developing civilization sprouting up in the mildew behind the toilet. And they were starting to develop nuclear weapons to fight the rival civilization growing in the corner of the shower stall. Those bastards had already staged a hostile takeover of my body sponge, and I wasnt about to let them start launching primitve mold civilization nukes in my shitter. So I attacked them with a harsh biological weapon made especially for destroying primitve water closet societies(bleach.)I mean, what if I got so hammered I had to puke in that bio-hazard of a toilet and got shot in the face by some east-side gangsta bacteria? That would be fucking tragic.

So not only was my bathroom so disgusting that I felt like I was getting dirtier when I took a shower, but my brothers girlfriend pointed out the fact that we were inadvertantly celebrating chinese new year. Apparently, cleaning is part of the tradition. Wow, I am so entirely cultured. Next thing you know I'll be lighting candles for Chaunahkah. Then again, 300,000 Jews don't live in my neighbourhood. I suppose you just start to soak these things after virtually living in Asia for 20 years.

Not only did I clean my disgusting ass bathroom, I also put my new super gargantuan TV in my room. It has been sitting in the kitchen for a week, and my lazy ass finally put it up in the room. Unfourtunatley, my reciever is getting serviced so I have no kick ass sound system. That however is another entry all together... I hung my snowboards up on the walls instead of them leaning up against the foot of my bed, cutting off my toes while I sleep, (and falling over when the bed gets rocking!) Plus they look really cool hanging on the wall. I accomplished so many domestic tasks yesterday. I am really proud of my housewife self. And Allie too, (she mopped the desperatly dirty kitchen floor.) My dad was very happy when he got home finding a clean house for once. Surprise surprise! And a pleasant surprise at that!

In other exciting news, as you can tell my diary has a whole new (not lame) look to it! I feel so much cooler posting my rants now that mt diary looks cool, as well as having the usual kick ass content. Now I just need some fans. Where are you fans? I am really cool! Read about my pathetic life, ITS FUNNY GODDAMMIT!!!

Anyway, my boss is here now, so I better work (or better yet, go to lunch!) before I get fucking fired.

Don't stick beans in your nose!

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