Its like the skinny girl with the fat friend
I just got finished reading over my diary entries, and I realised I bitch a whole lot. It was so bad I had to go to the bathroom an make sure I still had a penis. It got me thinking, "does life really suck that bad? what about the good things that happen to you?" As it turns out, after much contemplation, I figured out that good things do happen to me (occasionally) but they are just not all that interesting or funny. I think people would much rather hear of and laugh at my misfourtune. I mean, who the fuck wants to hear about all the rainbows and pots of gold in someone elses life. That shit just makes you jealous. Your'e thinking "who gave this asshole the right to be so friggin happy? Why cant something good happen to me? I hope he loses his leg in a car accident, or somebody brutally rapes and kills his dog. That'll teach him what lifes all about, being fucking miserable!" Nope, you won't be saying that here anytime soon (unless I win the lottery or something, then you all could rot in my sweet happyness like a tooth in the bottom of a vat of coca-cola!) but until then, you could continue to say "shit, im glad Im not that guy, hell, I'd rather work in a sweatshop in vietnam making Kathy-lee dresses and drinking my own piss to save money for my kids dinner than put up with that shit!"
Tell you the truth, I don't care if something crappy happens to me every day of the week for the rest of my life, as long as those things will continue to be amusing to me and other people.
I revel in the misery of others (even if its my own) and I hope you will do the same. Next time you see and old lady fall in the grocery store, laugh and be glad its not you. When you see some poor dog smashed on the side of the road, let out a little giggle and be glad its not yours. When you see one of those fucking commercials with bible pushers begging for money to brainwash starving kids in third world countires with their christan bullshit, DONT GIVE THEM ANY MONEY, just be glad that you dont fucking live in that shithole.
Now, all of a sudden arent you glad you have a roof over your head, a dog thats alive, you dont live in a shitty third world country, and the internet has tons of porn on it? The moral of the story is that life is good, and it wouldn't seem as good if really crappy things didnt happen to other people to make your miserable little existence seem bearable.
Thank you, and good night!
Save the trees. Wipe your ass with a spotted owl.